I love you, Amber

I've seen the shadowlands. I've touched them, tasted them, known them, been a part of them... and all I want, all I want, is to hold the hearts that are breaking from the shadows. To love them with all the ferocity of my heart where no one else loves them at all; to bind up the broken pieces, to draw them into my arms and to keep them there. To keep them safe.

But I can't. I can't keep them safe, because I can't save them. And when the One who does save them draws them away from the reach of my arms, back into the brokenness that tears at their heart, it seems so wrong. It hurts to let them go. It hurts to let them hurt. And it doesn't stop hurting, because the love doesn't stop.

But it hurts my heart more than anything to realize that the reason I cannot willingly surrender them away, trusting them into the hands of Jesus as He takes them beyond the reach of my own, is that I don't love them enough. I don't love them enough to let them suffer through the pain that leads to their greater healing. I don't love them enough to let them be sharpened by the hurtful things, and smoothed by all the rough sandpaper edges around them. It's my own selfishness, my own weakness, that wants to hold them close and not let them experience the beautiful redemption of the shadows around them - because, for the time being, it means letting them experience the darkness.

I am learning to love them enough. And when I can't, Christ does. And as they walk away, back into the darkness of the shadows that will break for their light, I know that they go with a God who is greater than all of this - the beauty and the pain. No matter what.

I love you, Amber.

I search, search, here and there -
I search around everywhere.
I search, search, here and there -
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
(Oh, no!)

There's no one, there's no one like Jesus,
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus -
There's no one, there's no one like Him!

2 missives:

Ajnos said...

Hey. I just wanted to let you know that I gave your blog a special mention on mine. I didn't want to re-award the Liebster Award to people who had already been given it, so I made a separate post acknowledging blogs by my friends that had won the award previously. Here's a link:
http://hedgepickle.blogspot.com/2011/08/previous-winners.html

Love Ajjie >'.'<

Anonymous said...

I have forwarded the link to your blog to my daughter, Hannah. You have probably figured by now that is who I am. When I was talking to Hannah about your blog, I told her that it was like reading her words. The two of you have much in common, including a passion for loving and serving the Lord.

Your parents must be very pleased with the young woman you are becoming. You have an amazing heart--the heart of a warrior princess in Christ. I know another young lady just like you. . .