I've seen the shadowlands. I've touched them, tasted them, known them, been a part of them... and all I want, all I want, is to hold the hearts that are breaking from the shadows. To love them with all the ferocity of my heart where no one else loves them at all; to bind up the broken pieces, to draw them into my arms and to keep them there. To keep them safe.
But I can't. I can't keep them safe, because I can't save them. And when the One who does save them draws them away from the reach of my arms, back into the brokenness that tears at their heart, it seems so wrong. It hurts to let them go. It hurts to let them hurt. And it doesn't stop hurting, because the love doesn't stop.
But it hurts my heart more than anything to realize that the reason I cannot willingly surrender them away, trusting them into the hands of Jesus as He takes them beyond the reach of my own, is that I don't love them enough. I don't love them enough to let them suffer through the pain that leads to their greater healing. I don't love them enough to let them be sharpened by the hurtful things, and smoothed by all the rough sandpaper edges around them. It's my own selfishness, my own weakness, that wants to hold them close and not let them experience the beautiful redemption of the shadows around them - because, for the time being, it means letting them experience the darkness.
I am learning to love them enough. And when I can't, Christ does. And as they walk away, back into the darkness of the shadows that will break for their light, I know that they go with a God who is greater than all of this - the beauty and the pain. No matter what.
I love you, Amber.
I search, search, here and there -
I search around everywhere.
I search, search, here and there -
There's no one, there's no one like Him.
(Oh, no!)
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus,
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus.
There's no one, there's no one like Jesus -
There's no one, there's no one like Him!
Showing posts with label Brokenness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brokenness. Show all posts
We are made for More. There is something within us that knows this, some small part of us that we cannot ignore, however hard we try or little we recognize it. It creeps into our life and our language; it is that niggling discontent, that pang of longing, that bewildering sense of awe when we gaze up at the stars and feel such smallness—and, in knowing the smallness, grasp in some tiny way the largeness that lays beyond us.
And in some ways, it is a fire. A fire that scathes us, burns us, hurts us; it is pain, it is longing; and yet somehow there is joy, the joy of all that Is even though it is beyond us. The blaze is consuming, and by it my heart has been mangled, stripped desolate, laid waste and made new. For no longer can I bear to settle for a life of living for Less—I want to spread Christ’s Kingdom through the streets, among the dusty fields or pristine palaces of further countries. I want to use the shadow-gifts I have been given, to limn the love of God onto the canvas and the page and into the ears and eyes and hearts of all people. To paint Redemption across the soils of nations, and to sing sanctuary into peoples' souls.
This is Christ’s Kingdom within us, the hope and the longing combined into a burning purpose. We are made for more. We live for more, for something far beyond ourselves. We live for love beyond the offerings of this world, and in the hope of a beauty beyond the broken shadows that surround us. For we exist in a dim reflection, a world made of shattered mirrors that cannot compare to what Really Is—and yet we are so certain, so convinced in our brokenness that we see things clearly, heartbreakingly confident that we know things for what they really are.
But when comes the New, and when all is Remade, the filthy, broken glass will crumble away to nothing, the shadows to Not; and the fog shall be rent as a curtain torn away and we shall see, finally see things for what they are. Beauty we have never dreamed of, the reality of Love finally felt by our bodies made new, the sight and sound and scent and taste and touch of eternal Newness; the murkiness of this shadow-world finally torn away from our eyes and the light of what is True bursting forth into our souls—breaking the dawn of a day that will never, ever end.
But there is more to the restless longing. Because we, through Christ, have been redeemed from the shadows; ransomed from the captivation of the darkness, drawn back into the original purpose of our Creation—back into the More that is God Himself. But Fully More is still a promise, a promise for when Christ returns and we and the world are remade. For now, we remain here, left in the darkness in order to spread the light.
…No, not left. Never abandoned. For though we long, though we ache, we cannot truly want. Wanting exists of emptiness, of absence, of need. We do not exist of emptiness; we exist because we are filled. Christ has filled us, freed us, redeemed us, and, in so doing, fulfilled us: already in Him our souls are made new. In Him we have the strength to endure, the love to survive, the purpose to go on. We have everything we need, and without need, we cannot truly want. But still we long; oh! we long, and we ache, and we break for the beauty of what is, for now, beyond our touch. The loveliness of everything we were created for.
But it is not time. Not time, yet, to see the precious wonders limned by God’s hand far beyond the curtain of our sky; not time, for the Resurrection and the Remaking; not time, for full awareness of everything that Truly Is. God Is. This we know. And until the day when everything changes, knowing this is enough.
And until that day, my soul will sing itself to sleep: "The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want..."
Category:
Beauty,
Brokenness,
Limning,
Renewal and Redemption,
Seeking the Face of God,
Spiritual Scribblings
0
missives
I live in a world where people are experiencing harm and hurt at every turn. Devastating circumstances, frightening realities, self-destruction, chaos... this is the world we live in. And in the middle of it am I—nestled never-precariously in the arms of God, never having been touched by some the darkness that some people face, currently held safely away from the black-hole battle for life and hope that some people are fighting every day of their lives. I have been wrapped in a cocoon of tender mercies as I have changed and grown; ever sheltered, ever… safe.
And yet, I feel always a connection to the hopelessness. Trudging through these shadowlands, I am not alone, and every day is a journey of encountering souls. Some of them are beaming beacons of light, drawing my gaze ever forward to eternity and Jesus. These friends are truly treasures of God, and they bless me beyond imagining. And though they are touched by the shadow, as am I, as we walk through these fleeting lands together, we walk in the light of Christ that shines through one another.
Still other souls are broken, fighting the shadow for their very lives. They, too, are treasures of God… beautifully, beautifully broken, their value immeasurable though they feel worthless because of the cracks and stains. The darkness of this place is a sword, and they struggle every day for the strength to hold up the shield that is the Hope of God. And each time I come to walk beside them, my heart breaks a little bit more—for I, too, am a broken being. It is painful and terrifying and miserable, walking through such darkness; and the breaking, it hurts. I have seen it, and I ache for them.
I am ever touched by shadow. It is my own frailty and weakness, my humanity and constant failing to be like Jesus; it is the hurt of this walk in the dark, ever waiting and longing to be swept away from this world of sorrow and pain forever. And it is the shadow of others, their struggles and pain as we step closer to eternity together. Yet there is one thing immeasurably more constant than the shadows; and as the darkness fades in the face of eternity, the One Thing only grows brighter. It is Him, and everything that He is. He is Love, He is Wonderful, He is Goodness Itself, and He is more present in these shadowlands than the shadows themselves.
It is the journey of a lifetime, this walk through the shadowlands. But it is not of eternity. And when the shadows finally fade, and we have made it past the final frontier, our weary feet will be done with wandering, and we will be swept up in the everlasting embrace of Love Himself.
Until then,
We bear the light of the Son of Man,
So there’s nothing left to fear.
And I’ll walk with you in the shadowlands,
Til the shadows disappear.
And yet, I feel always a connection to the hopelessness. Trudging through these shadowlands, I am not alone, and every day is a journey of encountering souls. Some of them are beaming beacons of light, drawing my gaze ever forward to eternity and Jesus. These friends are truly treasures of God, and they bless me beyond imagining. And though they are touched by the shadow, as am I, as we walk through these fleeting lands together, we walk in the light of Christ that shines through one another. Still other souls are broken, fighting the shadow for their very lives. They, too, are treasures of God… beautifully, beautifully broken, their value immeasurable though they feel worthless because of the cracks and stains. The darkness of this place is a sword, and they struggle every day for the strength to hold up the shield that is the Hope of God. And each time I come to walk beside them, my heart breaks a little bit more—for I, too, am a broken being. It is painful and terrifying and miserable, walking through such darkness; and the breaking, it hurts. I have seen it, and I ache for them.
I am ever touched by shadow. It is my own frailty and weakness, my humanity and constant failing to be like Jesus; it is the hurt of this walk in the dark, ever waiting and longing to be swept away from this world of sorrow and pain forever. And it is the shadow of others, their struggles and pain as we step closer to eternity together. Yet there is one thing immeasurably more constant than the shadows; and as the darkness fades in the face of eternity, the One Thing only grows brighter. It is Him, and everything that He is. He is Love, He is Wonderful, He is Goodness Itself, and He is more present in these shadowlands than the shadows themselves.
It is the journey of a lifetime, this walk through the shadowlands. But it is not of eternity. And when the shadows finally fade, and we have made it past the final frontier, our weary feet will be done with wandering, and we will be swept up in the everlasting embrace of Love Himself.
Until then,
We bear the light of the Son of Man,
So there’s nothing left to fear.
And I’ll walk with you in the shadowlands,
Til the shadows disappear.
- Andrew Peterson, “Dancing in the Minefields”
